Valuing Processing: Why Processing with the right people is the key to your breakthrough

A friend recently was telling me about an exercise they did helping them identify their values. It made me think about how I have a high value for processing. I believe recognizing the value in processing is severly underrated and underutilized as a key for breakthrough.  

You know how when something significant, exciting, or even painful happens to you and you feel like you just need to process it with someone? So you can dissect the details, and ultimately make meaning of that event in your life? That’s processing. 

Processing is about being present in the process – and not just rushing to get to the destination. 

It’s about taking the time to work through what needs to be worked through. It’s not about putting bandaids on the problem, quick fixes, or taking shortcuts in your character development. 

Processing requires time. It requires the processee and the processor to be willing to take the time necessary to work through the thing.

We are often in such a rush. We think we don’t have time to do these things. We don’t think we have enough time to give to someone. Sometimes that’s true – but oftentimes it’s not. 

Oftentimes we just don’t value the process of processing itself. We don’t understand how valuable it is for our own sanity and for the wellbeing of those around us.  

It’s the one thing we all need, but so rarely do. Either because we have walls up, we don’t trust people, or we think we just don’t have time to sit and process through what happened to us. 

But it's the one thing that catalyzes growth the most. 

How do I know? Because the past few years, as I’ve navigated through healing from pain, rejection, grief, trauma, and betrayal, I have needed people to process with. I have the deepest respect and highest gratitude for those that have helped me process through the pain in different seasons. You know who you are! Processing with people, has been the key to healing, breakthrough, and freedom in my life. 

One of the benefits of processing is that it brings clarity about both what you’re presently walking through, and where you’re headed in the future. 

I don’t think I knew how much I valued processing, until I did a Prophetic Processing certification a couple of years ago with The Prophetic Company. This is a process that helps people mine the meaning of their prophetic words, discern what God is really saying through their words, and activate them with strategy. After I did that, I started thinking more deeply about the word itself. 

There was something about the word processing, that I just liked. It deeply resonated with me. Then I started to think about how that’s what I’ve been doing all along with people I coached, mentored, or advised. I had called it being a safe space. A safe space for people to process. 

Processing is the key thing leaders need to have in their world consistently, if they are to let go of the subconscious limiting beliefs, lies, and entanglements that are holding them back. 

It matters who you process with. You need someone who is spiritually in tune to process with you.

You have to discern who the right person is for you to process with, in each season. 

You know how when you process with the wrong person, and they just say “oh….ok…...”, give you a blank stare, then there’s that awkward uncomroftable silence before they quickly change the subject to something else, because they don’t know what to say? 

Your brain goes - yeah, nope! Never doing that again.

You start to believe the lie that it’s not worth processing your feelings with people.  

But in reality, you just didn’t process with the right person. 

Here’s what could be going on: they may not have had the emotional capacity or the spiritual maturity to actually process what you just said. But the end result of sharing the deep things with the wrong person, is that you end up feeling exposed and vulnerable. Like they just left you high and dry, when you needed support the most. 

Or you didn’t bring it up at the right moment – when they were actually able to hold space for you. They might have been busy, distracted, or not expecting to have that depth of conversation with you in that moment. But that doesn’t mean processing is wrong, bad, or just plain not needed. 

You need both the right time and the right environment to process in. 

Processing with the wrong people, can be especially detrimental for leaders. Leaders face the pressure of always seeming like they have it all together - because they have to lead their people. 

But leaders need safe spaces to process for themselves.

It’s a necessity, if you are going to lead well and lead effectively. 

When we don’t process with someone – when we don’t get outside objective wisdom into our situation, we become an echo chamber for our own thoughts. Blindspots get missed. You miss out on the opportunity for additional perspectives that expands your way of thinking, gives you fresh ideas, and increases your capacity to lead.  

Processing is about your internal world - not just what you present to the world externally. It focuses on getting real about what’s actually going on inside you.

The stuff you don’t like to admit, and the things you’d prefer others didn’t see. This takes courage and vulnerability – but it is necessary. 

On the other hand, when you process with the right person, at the right time, magic happens. 

Your soul breathes a sigh of relief. You feel seen and heard. You feel valued, acknowledged, and recognized. You get free. You walk away with revelation. You feel enlightened. You get keys of breakthrough that move you forward. 

It’s deeply life-giving. 

Lastly, you need someone who is spiritually mature, aware, and discerning to process with. 

Why? Because whatever you are going through also has a spiritual element to it as well, whether you are aware of it or not.

When you process with someone  who is spiritually aligned, then you are going to get deeper freedom and clarity that will propel you forward faster. 

There are people who are anointed to help you process and bring clarity and breakthrough. They hold space for you appropriately, share what you need to hear, and are the difference between you falling flat having a vulnerability hangover, and your heart feeling well cared for. 

I happen to be one of those people. 

If you’re a leader - do you have someone to process with on a regular basis? If not, would something like this be of value to you?  Leave a comment below or email me to let me know.